Greatest Conservative Movies

Venerable conservative mag National Review listed its favorite Conservative movies of all time.  Forgetting for a moment that the National Review has devolved from a sophisticated ideas machine that helped create the classic conservative movement into a partisan hackjob, their list offers many familiar flicks that most wouldn’t immediately recognize as having a conservative message…

Things like Groundhog Day, The Incredibles, Ghostbusters, and Lord of the Rings (I, II, and III).

 

In celebration of the NR list, Jonathan Swift has made up his own list of conservative movies, with explanations.   Swift always has a bit more subtle humor, but I like it.  Checkout the whole list, but consider…

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Matthew Broderick plays Ferris Bueller, who decides he has had enough of liberal indoctrination and skips school on the day of a test about European socialism in protest.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Why aren’t there more films for children that celebrate free-market capitalism? […] After finding a golden ticket in his chocolate bar, Charlie meets Willy Wonka, an entrepreneur who has built his candy empire through constant innovation, corporate espionage and cheap labor. […] In a free market economy, the kids learn, some will succeed and others will end up as giant blueberries. 

Home Alone

But on a deeper level it is a parable about what would happen if we didn’t have a Second Amendment. Luckily, Culkin is able to fend off the incompetent criminals who try to break into his home by using ingenious homemade weaponry. […] If you went on vacation and accidentally left your child at home, wouldn’t you feel a lot better if you knew there was a loaded gun in the house that your child could easily access? I know I would. 

Wizard of Oz

Dorothy is desperate to flee the perversions of Munchkinland, Afghanistan-like poppy fields and urban ghettos of the Emerald City and return home to safe Republican Kansas, where morality is clearly delineated in black and white.

Patch Adams

…is about a doctor who did have a subscription to Reader’s Digest, and realized that all the cheap pharmaceuticals illegally imported from Canada in the world are no match for comedy hijinks.

Jaws

Animals are not really cute and loveable little creatures, living together in harmony in the forest, as animal rights activists would have you believe. Many of them are vicious, amoral killing machines like the shark in Jaws, who would like nothing better than to bite PETA members in half given the chance.

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One comment

  1. “I’m not European, I don’t plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they’re socialists. They could be fascist anarchists- it still wouldn’t change the fact that I don’t have a car.”

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